Thursday, April 15, 2010

Texting buddy, please?

I have a phone now. :D

I really want someone to talk to who understands. I'll help you as much as I can, and you can listen to me rant a little bit. In the summer I might need even more help, because I won't have people shoving food down my throat, but for now I want to just be able to stay connected and not lose hope or focus.

Message me at and I'll tell you my number, or we can just email back and forth.

Summer can't come fast enough.

I keep eating for them, they keep making me eat, I don't want this, I don't I don't I don't. I'm sick of it. I'm sickkkk of it, I don't want this any more. I never did. Stop making me eat, stop checking up on me. Stop, stop, stop!!!

I'm so depressed all the time. I can't be beautiful if they keep forcing me to be like everyone else. I'm still "thin" by their standards, and I know I'm not obesely fat or anything. I have no idea what I weigh. I don't wanna know. I want this all to stop. I want the summer to come NOW.

When summer gets here, I'll be gone too much for them to make me eat. I'm doing a decent job of acting like it doesnt bother me, so maybe they'll even trust me by then. R is going to be gone for a month in the summer. When he comes back, I swear I'll be beautiful for him.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Woot woot

So, today is the last day of spring break. I've done amazing all week! I'm proud of myself. I've discovered that half a slice of 60 cal cheese and crustless 45 cal bread makes a delicious feast. So does a meatless 70 cal burger and a tablespoon of 15 cal ketchup, or half a package of 160 cal oatmeal and 15 cal brown sugar. I've lost a decent amount, seven pounds or so, in one week. Of course, there's also the workout R gives me. :D

Back to school tomorrow. Lunch is hard, because everyone's watching and to be quite honest they can tell by now. It's hard to have eyes on you every time you eat, but I'll be fine.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fleeting Glances

Today is the first day of spring break!

I've got the entire week (almost) filled up, away from this wretched house of watchful eyes. I won't eat a bite outside of this house.

The most exciting part of my week is going to be tomorrow and the day after. I'm staying the night at R's house. My parents don't know this. They're strict and I'm 'too young', so to them I'm staying at my friend's house.

The thing with R is, he basically knows about my ED. He trys to make me eat...he knows that if he tried hard enough, he'd be able to make me eat easily, but he doesn't want to see me upset so he doesn't force me. I love him.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Follow me on Tumblr, please.

It's my Ana account, not my personal one. If you want to find my personal one, message me.

It'll mostly be thinsp pictures and some inspiration quotes, I don't plan on putting much about my ED, especially not right now, what with my current situation and all.


Friday, March 5, 2010


I don't know how to spell FAILURE any other way.

My family decided it was time to, um, "save me".

They said they know what I'm doing and have to put a stop to it. That means that they decided I have to eat whenever they eat, and one of them have to make my plate and make sure I eat it all. They said that they'd only put what they would eat themselves, but I noticed every extra bite.

It's been a few months of that.

There are three more months until summer break. During summer, I'll be out of the house so often that they won't notice when I do (or don't) eat. I just have to make it until then, that's the hard part. I don't know how I'm going to, because I just want to cry every time I look down at my thighs in this chair, or my stomach when I change, or a mirror. When I go to my boyfriend's (meaning R, still :D) I'm too self conscious to do anything that doesnt involve clothes.

I hate this so much.

I didn't write because I've been so scared.

Last time I checked the scale, I was at 120. That was so long ago, and I know for sure I've gained more than that because I can put my jeans on and KNOW. Nothing fits any more. I hate this, so so much.
Support, please? I think I'm dying.

I'm trying to just stay positive by thinking about how gorgeous I'll look by the end of summer.