Sorrrry for the late late late update.

Alllll righttt.
So.
I haven't had a computer to update with, and I don't have long to use this one today...but to sum things up, I've kept to the first four days on my ABC. Tomorrow is a 500 day. I'm not scared, but we're going to Chilli's for supper, which means I'll probably fast until then so that I can eat with everyone not freaking out. I'm looking for the calorie counts online right now.

After tomorrow is my first fast. Easy, I hope. I believe in myself. I have to.

I put on my swimsuit for the first time in ever. I wore it around the house all day. My family looked at me strange, but I loved it because every mirror I passed smiled at me. I can't wait for summer. I hope I either have this body or a smaller one by summertime.

Anyway. Stay strong, ladies.

ABC. *Scared face*

I'm gonna be doing an ABC....details below.

I need support. I hate asking for help, but I know I need it. If you want to talk, email me at bite.mexd@rocketmail.com. Please want to talk...haha. I'll be getting texting soon, and that'll make things wayy easier.

1. 100 calories
2. 200 calories
3. 300 calories
4. 400 calories
5. 500 calories
6. fast
7. 150 calories
8. 200 calories
9. 400 calories
10. 350 calories
11. 250 calories
12. 200 calories
13. fast
14. 200 calories
15. 100 calories
16. fast
17. 300 calories
18. 250 calories
19. 200 calories
20. 150 calories
21. 100 calories
22. 50 calories
23. 100 calories
24. 200 calories
25. 200 calories
26. 300 calories
27. 800
28. fast
29. 250 calories
30. 350 calories
31. 450 calories
32. fast
33. 500 calories
34. 450 calories
35. 400 calories
36. 350 calories
37. 300 calories
38. 250 calories
39. 200 calories
40. 200 calories
41. 250 calories
42. 200 calories
43. 300 calories
44. 200 calories
45. 150 calories
46. fast

Yeah, it's edited a bit. I wanna stay on track with "O.G." while she does it, too. I'll probably add the days I missed to the end...I hope I'm not cheating...?

Today was AWFUL. I ate a whole shitload. But we won't get into that...because I'm reading about the success of ABC and it sounds really promising. Tomorrow is a 100 day, so I guess I'll skip everything until dinner and have a yogurt. If that doesn't work...we'll figure something out.

I'm tired of giving up. I never finish anything. I want to see this through. I want to be thin, and be able to say it wasn't just luck, it was something I did, that I finally did something. I want to do something.

That's why I'm not...absolutely NOT...letting myself get away with any cheating. I let myself to do many things. Cheating on Ana will not be one of them.

Anyway, thanks.

Take your pie and shove it.

So, at the moment I'm at about 111 pounds. That's 4 pounds more than my lowest, which was only a few weeks ago. But it's also 4 pounds less than I was just last week.

I just asked a fellow blogger if I could join her in her ABC. I have no idea what I'm getting into, to be honest. I've never done one before. Sometimes I can hardly make it through a week with little food, so I don't know how good of an idea this is. But I'm sure that if it doesn't work out too well she'll understand. I'll hate myself forever, but it's not like I'll die. I'm just going to have to try to keep a positive outlook.

My mother made a whole bunch of baked goods. I hate when she cooks. She normally can't cook at all, but when she does she goes crazy. We have brownies out the butt. (Exaggeration..) Anyway though, I'll try to stay out of them.

I've had about 400 calories today. All right.

Well I'm off.

Excuse Me.

I just went up and weighed myself. I'm soo close to being 110 again. I don't know how I'm still this close after today's fuck-up. And today's still not over. Ugh! I'll do better tomorrow, I swear.

I don't even like candy in my ice cream!

So, I was determined today. I woke up knowing that it'd be a hard day, but I also told myself I could handle it. I was soo drained of energy by midmorning, so I had a 50 cal yogurt and a spoon of strawberry jelly. Not bad at all.
After that, we walked the mall for a while and I nibbled on some of my friend's pizza. Still not so bad, it wasn't more than a bite. I don't get upset with myself for a measly bite. By my standards, I was still doing good.

But.
But..
But then came the ice cream.
I spent all day yesterday online looking at the calories for everything. I decided I had a pretty good range of choices if I stuck to the low cal options. Thankfully, because when I got there I hardly looked at anything but the low cal choices. I just couldn't decide! So many choices. *Excited dance* I wanted it all, but not really. I just couldn't decide which I wanted more. I almost talked myself into the medium size *collective gasp* but thankfully I realized how stupid that was! I got the smallest size, a total of 190 calories. Let's round that to 200.

So I figured, still not bad. Then I had to ruin it by adding chocolate shavings! I originally was just going to add chocolate sprinkles for only 25 cals. Instead, I had to get the chocolate shavings for 90, rounded to 100! That's like a million! AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CANDY IN MY ICE CREAM!

But no, no it doesn't stop there. My friend got the Peanut Butter Cup Perfection, medium size, and couldn't finish it. She gave what she couldn't eat to me. It was a lot, but not a whole lot, so I guessed it was about 200 cals and forced myself to eat it. There was nothing else to do with it! God, I can't believe I'm even making up excuses. Anyway, I just looked it up and the amount she gave me was almost 900 cals.

WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN MAKE SOMETHING WORTH 900 CALS? What's the point in that?!

So, after this long string of good days, I end up with more than 1000 calories today. I haven't eaten more than 1000 calories in one day in forever.

Please excuse me while I go kill myself.
(Don't take that seriously, please.)

Time to be proud.

Okay, so I've been doing absolutely amazing lately!

I don't remember where I left off, but the past three days have been wonderful. I haven't even had to work very hard, really, because I just haven't been in the mood to eat. It just hasn't been appealing at all. That's helpful, right? Haha.

Anyway, today seems like it'll be just as easy. We'll be out and about again today, which means we'll stop for something to eat. But we don't have much money, so it'll be Subway. Subway's high in calories, but if I can get them to let me have a soup instead of a sandwich I'll be okay. They have pretty low calorie soups. And I think I'll even be okay if I get a sandwich, if I don't eat anything else all day.

And then tomorrow, I'm going with some girlfriends to the mall. I got a Coldstone ice cream gift certificate for Christmas, so I'm going to treat them all. I'm not going to eat much besides that, hopefully. I hope this mood doesn't end before then, because right now I'm thinking a Like It size (the smallest size) will be more than enough, but if this mood passes then I know I'll be talking myself into the biggest size they have.

My dad's been freaking out on me about food lately. Not completely, but dropping hints. I've always had a problem with my stomach, so I just use that as an excuse. But I think that excuse may be wearing off...I don't know.

And haha, don't you find it amusing when people give an anorexic chocolate as a present? I laugh at that.

Obey or be punished?

The Ten Commandments:


1.) If you aren't thin, then you aren't attractive.
2.) Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3.) You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself, do anything to
make yourself look thinner.
4.) Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5.) Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterward.
6.) Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7.) What the scale says is the most important thing.
8.) Losing weight is good; gaining weight is bad.
9.) You can never be too thin.
10.) Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.