Thursday, December 10, 2009

The pain is your friend, Love.

I ate about 200 calories today :D and burned a lotttt because we went shopping for four hours in the freezing cold. I found 50 cal yogurt! And I stocked up on fruits. I also got a lot of low calorie foods for when I absolutely have to put something in my system. Oh, oh, oh! And some flavored water- as in pop taste with zero calories. Gotta love it. This is giving me a positive outlook on days to come :D
When we got home, I was all excited to try some of our fruits and low cal stuff but right as I was about to open a yogurt, I caught a glimpse at the clock-9:20. Wayy past 8, and even if it's only 50 cals, I don't wanna risk it, do I? Nope. So, tomorrow, if I'm hungry I'll have that for dinner. Oh boy!
I had a lot of guys check me out today. I felt pretty amazing. I don't want that to stop, I want to be the thin pretty girl forever. I mean, it would deffinately be easier to be normal-eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and just buy bigger sized jeans. Right? Well, I'm not a normal person. My mind is not normal, it's plagued. So why not take advantage of this plagued mind by using it to make me the beautiful thin one?

Well. R just broke up with me. Now, I feel like total shit. I can't believe this. I can't. I don't want this. I hate this. I hate this. I want him, all I want is him. I'd even eat like an obese person if it meant keeping him! I want him. He doesn't care. I didn't know I could hurt this much. No amount of hunger hurts this much.

1 comment:

  1. Give yourself time to let it sink in for a while and don't talk to him. hang on, it will be hard for a bit, but you're strong !

    Hang on there !!